Thursday, October 20, 2011

Discussion And General Comments

The purpose of this blog is the contact between Epicureans looking for a relatioinship or for friendship.   There are many sites, where learned people discuss Epicurus' philosophy.   But it anybody wants to leave any comment, suggestion or question, that is not an ad in search of a partner, please do it here.   


Tom Merle said...

This is a noble cause, but ultimately futile. Not only are there relatively few Epicureans speaking English,or any language for that matter, but females are drawn even less to the philosophy. And females are hardwired to seek males intent on achievement of some sort, and Eism is at its heart anti-achievement. Real Epicureans would strike potential mates as deadbeats.

maruli said...

According to your opinion, an Epicurean lifestyle is more attractive to men than to women. This gives me as one of the few female Epicureans an advantage. While I started this blog as a platform for all lonely Epicureans, my own agenda is of course to find the one compatible Epicurean mindmate for myself.

Maruli said...

These comments are moved from the profile page:

Tom Merle said...

This is certainly an attractive list to an Epicurean male. But conspicuous by its absence is any reference to your physical state. Males, for all sorts of evolutionary reasons, put more emphasis on this aspect of our being. Certainly at 62 you can't maintain a 35 year old's "packaging" and fitness. Though as a German, chances are you are more fit than your generally or borderline obese American counterpart.
November 6, 2011 6:49 PM
maruli said...

Bonded commitment as I understand it is the combination of emotional, intellectual and physical intimacy.
People with predominantly hedonistic brains are primarily guided by an instinctive urge for physical homeostasis, and when they are wise and mature enough, then they are also interested in intellectual compatibility. So they are first interested in looks and pictures, and then maybe in other traits.

What I understand as Epicurean commitment is the focus first on the mutual suitability as intellectual companions as the primary criterion for a mate search. That does not preclude the importance of physical traits as secondary criteria.
This is in accordance with the ideas of Robert Epstein'l love project and self-arranged marriages.

But as you ask: At the height of 5'4, my weight of 120 lbs is very far from obesity.
November 6, 2011 7:13 PM
Tom Merle said...

I wouldn't think to prioritize charateristics as you have done, MM, just make sure all relevant data are included if one is looking for a mate and not just a buddy.
Certainly, it's important to make sure the checklist you've laid out is answered appropriately. But I don't think a potential male mate will take the time to respond if he is kept in the dark about what the person doing the seeking looks like. I do understand, though, how privacy for a woman especially has to be protected.


November 7, 2011 5:51 AM
Tom Merle said...

I should also add that you provide a good rationale for not including an actual photo upfront over on your main blog, which had I read it I would not have sent the comment on "packaging." You are right to consider it a matter of sequencing and putting initial emphasis on more substantial attributes.
November 7, 2011 6:45 AM
maruli said...

"You are right to consider it a matter of sequencing and putting initial emphasis on more substantial attributes."

That is the core of what in my understanding is EPICUREAN commitment.

"But I don't think a potential male mate will take the time to respond if he is kept in the dark about what the person doing the seeking looks like."

There are hundreds of dating sites for men, whose first interest are the looks.
November 7, 2011 4:45 PM

Maruli said...

These comments are moved from the profile page.

Tom Merle said...

I may now contradict myself--I do go back and forth. There is still a bit of a conundrum here. "She's attractive and I've read her self description which appeals. Now I'll proceed." is the usual internal conversation a guy would have. I think you may be putting too much emphasis on the perceived importance of The Photo and its negative impact. These sites are certainly not selling the person by selling the photo--like the Russian Brides sites. They are simply prequalifying the applicant, with all relevant data, so the two parties can get on with the exchange. 5'4"/120 lbs doesn't do it.

If however you seeking a "mindmate" as you put it, the physical dimension may not matter. And I understand that too much emphasis on physical attributes cloud the more important traits, including one's value system.

My blogger account comes with a picture, so such discussion of sequencing in my case is moot.

You can also see what my armchair interests are by going to my own blog: The nature~nurture exploration. The boilerplate at the top has the link to the main website of CulturePlaces.

By the way, I believe Eism steers one to a right of center perspective, toward initiative, reducing the role of the state. Conservatism puts the emphasis on equality of opportunity, not outcome as the the left does. Let all peoples be invited into the tent. But show us what you can do. Meaning provide some supports to allow all people to succeed while knowing that most won't.
November 7, 2011 6:49 PM

Maruli said...

The focus of both my blogs is biased by my personal experiences as a woman defending her dignity.

I am sick and tired of:
Men on dating sites, who demand a picture and lose interest, if they do not get one immediately. They demand a picture, before there is an agreement, that one reciprocally fulfills each other's most basic criteria. I am just not interested in men with this attitude.

I am also sick and tired of the experience during my younger age of being too often the victim of the insult of predators, who wanted to have temporary use of my body without even recognizing a person inside that body.

Being rejected because of looks is only good riddance. But being selected and wanted because of looks in denial and disregard of one's personality and own preferences is a hazard and a risk.
November 7, 2011 7:27 PM